The Weekly Package

Web Exclusive: A Mother's Reprieve

After nearly losing custody of her only child, she was able to come back to AA and get sober again

 

I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous in June of 1987 after my second divorce. I had been drinking alcoholically since my first drink at age 19 in 1976. I loved drinking. I became someone else—someone I really liked; but I didn't think I was an alcoholic. I thought I was just a nice, Irish girl who drank a little too much. I wasn't an alcoholic. My dad was the alcoholic in the family. I compared myself to him constantly in order to justify my drinking: I hadn't been arrested, I hadn't been in bar fights, and I hadn't lost job after job due to drinking. I told myself and others I was nothing like my dad.

I went through a 30-day, in-patient treatment program, and then upon my release, I attended AA meetings regularly and put together 11 months of continuous sobriety. I had never gone without alcohol for more than a day. This was a very different way of life for me. I wasn't sure I liked it. I was very uncomfortable. I couldn't imagine living the rest of my life without alcohol. I wasn't the party girl anymore, and I missed her. I drank again. For the next year, I was a 90-day-wonder—I was in and out of AA every 90 days. Finally, in 1990, I quit attending meetings altogether and returned to drinking.

Several years later, I remarried and became a mother. When my son was almost four years old, I was going through my third divorce. My son's father intended to sue for full custody of our son because of my drinking. I tried to stop drinking myself, recalling the information I had learned in AA, but I couldn't do it alone. I was going to lose custody of the person I loved most in this world. I needed help. I knew I needed to change. I knew I needed to return to AA.

I called the local AA hotline for the times and locations of meetings being held that very evening. I walked into the meeting that night and stopped in the doorway. I couldn't move. I was frozen with fear. A kind gentleman saw me, walked over and asked if I needed some help. I told him I was looking for an AA meeting. He said I was in the right place and asked me to follow him into a meeting room. I don't remember much about that meeting. Folks were sharing their views on the night's topic. I was shaking. The man beside me started to speak, and then it was my turn to share. I said, "Hi, my name is Lori, and I'm an alcoholic. It's been 9 years since I've said that It's been 9 years since I've been to a meeting. I can't stop drinking. AA helped me stop once before, and I desperately need help now." The chairperson responded, "Welcome back, Lori. We're glad you're here. Keep coming back." After the meeting, several of the women gave me their phone numbers and asked me to call them. I felt a great sense of relief driving home that night. I knew I had done the right thing.

The meeting I attended that night was 10 years ago. My son's father moved away 7 years ago after a very long custody dispute. My son has lived with me all these years. He is now 14 years old and will be a freshman in high school next month. He has grown up with a sober mother. He has attended AA picnics and parties for 10 years and has countless AA "aunts" and "uncles" who have watched him grow up. They have also watched me grow up.

I was sitting at high school orientation yesterday, and whispered to a fellow mom, "I wish I could go back and go to high school again and do my life over." We both giggled. Later that day, I was driving to one of my favorite meetings and the thought occurred to me, "I don't need to wish for high school in order to do my life over again. I have been re-doing my life for the past 10 years. I already have that second chance at life because of God, AA and the people around the tables."

—Lori Y., Augusta, Mich.